How to establish a positive relationship with your children

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The relationship between parents and children is one of the most intense and special relationships that occur between people, but at the same time, it is plagued with conflicts and controversies. Trust between parents and children is one of the most controversial aspects of the family relationship. Curiously, despite the fact that parents are one of the few people who never let their sons and daughters down, it often happens that they do not trust their fathers and mothers and do not tell them their things.

Why is trust lost between parents and children?

Normally, when sons and daughters are young, trust in their parents is quite good. However, little by little, they will lose that trust, they will begin to hide things to avoid reproaches and punishments, and little by little they will place trust in the group of equals.

It is logical that as boys and girls grow, they seek their identity and autonomy and move slightly away from their parents. In a way, this is something natural and healthy, but a total and complete loss of trust can have negative consequences in family interaction and relationships.

4 Reasons why trust is lost

Children lose trust for various reasons:

  • Broken promises. On many occasions, parents make promises to their sons and daughters that they then do not keep and this causes trust to be lost.
  • Not having time for them. When boys or girls decide to be confident and tell us something, it is important to give them the attention they need. On many occasions, they need to tell us something and if we are not available to them, they interpret it as carelessness or lack of interest.
  • The need for autonomy and identity development. As they grow up they will have to develop their own identity and move away from their mothers and fathers.
  • Break trust. Often when boys or girls tell us something, we tend to see it as unimportant things and betray their trust by telling other people, this makes the little ones stop trusting.

How to improve relationship with your children

  • Try to keep your promises, if you’re not sure you can keep them, don’t promise.
  • Give them time and listen to them, what they want to tell you is important to them and therefore requires your time.
  • Respect their spaces and their need for autonomy, don’t force them to tell you things.
  • Try to talk to them without making them feel attacked, you can use phrases like: “I wonder if…” Have you thought about…?” “It might be a good idea….” “I’m worried that….” “It seems to me….”.
  • Do not betray their words, when they tell you something, keep their secret.
  • Try not to judge or criticize, if we judge their thoughts and make them feel bad, we will achieve the opposite effect.
  • Trust them and tell them your things, when you are worried, angry, etc. We cannot ask them for trust if we do not trust them. If they see that you trust them they will tend to trust you because of the boomerang effect.

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